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Child of God  ~[Lily Soon] ~Belongs to God. ~I don't bite. ~Music is beautiful. Here & There Talk To Me Definition of Love Love is kind It does not envy It does not boast It is not proud It is not rude It is not self-seeking It is not easily angered It keeps no record of wrongs Love does not delight in evil But rejoices with truth It always protects Always trusts Always hope Always perserveres Love never fails) 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 God's Words “For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.” -2 Corinthians 5:14-15
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Wednesday, December 31 ( Hitting 195 by end of 2008... @ 18:09:00 ) Enough of the sad stuff, well, 2008 had been a very happy year, with numerous blessings from God (uncountable) and also being away from home for one whole year. time to fly back home to where I belong, to my parents loving embraces and leave everything behind for a while. Well, yeah, there will be a lot of keeping up with foundation work during the 6 months holiday and of course working and giving tuition to sis, also improve myself in various fields. But, I can do it, and I WILL do it. Next year this time round, I want to be a foundation student with excellent result, not one that regretted her year here because of lousy results. Gosh, I am upset.... Well, Happy New Year people. Here I am spending another new year being SONY again. I copyright that.. (Single On New Year)...Hmm, no better way than to spend New Year's even in God's embrace and counting my many blessings from God this year, giving my thanksgiving.. Well, I wish all of you Happy New Year, may the new year brings many more blessings and happiness to you all. All the best and to all batch mates, thanks for being friends, and I hope to see you all back here next year, being my senior!^^ Love you all, miss you guys tonnes, keep in touch! =) love, -Xiao Ni- 0 comments Thursday, December 25 ( Unexpected... @ 22:36:00 ) -Xiao Ni- 0 comments ( 我是个坏女生。。。 @ 22:21:00 ) Thinking back, I finally realise the problems lie in me. I had trying to deceit myself into thinking I am a good girl-finally. But now I know, I am just a wild, polluted and good-for-nothing girl. That girl that no one will ever picked up as the one to live with for the rest of their life. I am the girl that would go clubbing until dawn in the skimpiest clothes I own. I looked into the mirror, I do not want to accept the ugly truth that not only do I look unappealing, but I am a failure as well. I don't like who I saw in the mirror but there seems to be nothing I can do. So I try to dress up more decently, finally found myself and crawl back into my shell, pretending to be a hermit hoping no one notice me while I lost myself in the deep sea of thoughts in my mind. So what? At the end of the day, people have the bad impression of me, of my past and of who I am now. They do not understand and never will, but who can blame them? Even I do not understand this queer behaviour of mine. But I know, I am hurt, deeply hurt. Not by infatuation, but by my own self. The irony? I am a bad girl. Bad Girl are not suppose to get hurt that way. I am so bad, you have no idea... 0 comments Wednesday, December 24 ( Christmas Eve @ 12:20:00 ) It's Christmas eve and yesterday's carolling session ended only at around 1++am. We arrived at the hostel only around 2am. Well, it's official. This will be my last few days in AIMST. I am going to miss everything here, I mean everyone, as in people whom I care for and people who care for me... But as a girl that I was, along with my many other Christmas wish, I wish more than anything for the salvations and blessings for my parents and sister and also change in the world's hearts. -Little Girl in Reverie..- Merry Christmas my dearest friends and family! Lotsa love from me!=) 0 comments Sunday, December 21 ( She Loves Him and He Loves Her... @ 20:01:00 ) 0 comments Saturday, December 20 ( A Little Time For God... @ 00:42:00 ) The other day I start singing the song Count Your Blessings. I figure I couldn't count them. Not because there were none but the fact is God's blessings upon me had been so abundant that I could never finish counting them. For all these while, I had been wanting this and that in life, more friends, more care, more love, more time, more wisdom and more everything. But I never took the time to stop wanting and step back to see what God had done in my life this whole year round. Truth is, He had never stopped working miracles in my life, every single day, every seconds. Even when I was uncontented with what He had blessed me with, He still put up with me, loving me and holding on to me, never giving up... When I was young, I believe in Santa Claus, that live in Lanang Road. I know, what the right? But now I tell you, there is really One who gave me presents every single day, all year round, every single seconds. The gifts come in many forms, little blessings and cares and lots of love. My gifts do not come from Santa Claus, but from God and Jesus. Last year, it was an acceptance letter gotten on Christmas day itself. This year round, God gave me an early present from the government's office. I truly believe that God is sending His angels to work miracles in my life, to touch those around me through His blessings to me, especially to my parents. God is really doing things in His own time, at His own pace, slowly answering my prayers according to His will. With still a stack of notes to go through, I felt calm actually. I know I had done less revision than anyone had done. While others are nervous and getting cold feet from a few chapters they had not finished studying, I am still collected eventhough I had only finish like 1 chapter of Physics and 1 chapter of Chemistry. I will just try my best and leave the rest to God. God will provide. Even if I do not manage to overcome this challenge, I believe that it is my own fault for not preparing earlier, there is always a second chance. There is only myself to blame. While exam is just 2 days away, many are opting to skip going to fellowship and service while other are uneasy when the pastor spoke for a tad too long, checking the time constantly. Their body is in the hall, but their heart are in their hostel, bury among the books and notes. I am not a good Christian, I admit but I still found it dissapointing that people at times do tend to put other things ahead of God. I, myself believe that God should come first no matter what. Because, without God's blessings and grace, we would not get far in life, because we live in constant fear and worries. Bible says, worrying will not add a day to our lives, nor does it solve problem, so why don't we just submit unto God completely and trust Him? God is there to give us strength for every hill we have to climb. We do not need to worry about tommorow's tasks. No hill is insurmountable if we take one step at a time-with God's help. Challenges may felt to be too difficult to conquer when we think too much ahead. If God takes care of the robins in the sky, animals in the jungle and the lilies in the valleys, why are we worrying when we worth much more than them to God? Spending time with God is not a waste of time and you can't just replace it with 3 hours of study time in your room. Why not just give a little time to God? God gave us a lifetime, what's the few hours if compared to what we spend when we have fun or went travelling? If we can make random trips to Penang just for fun or even go out to dinner, why can't we spend a few hours with God during the weekend? For the time and heart you put in, believe me, God will reward us in manifolds back with his blessings. -Xiao Ni- 0 comments Saturday, December 6 ( Sharing, Caring and Loving @ 17:18:00 ) With what shit trying to learn the meaning and how friendship works so long after everyone seems to know about it, it is difficult, but do you have to make it any more painful. You treat those who mistreated you even better than me, no point of complaining, because it will do no good. What hurts me most is not an unreturned love and friendship, but the return of good with bad. What nots with gifts and sharing and loving when you just treat me like rubbish and a pile of shit? Admitting that you are a person with certain bad qualities does not make me any less human which means that it won't hurt me less. Yes, I had been through so much hurts in the past, but that does not make it any less painful when you hurl insults and make hurtful comments. So, you think I owe you for the circle of social network I belong to? I rather not be in it because being alone will be so much more easier. I am sick and tired of being treated like shit when I am doing is be the best that a friend can be to you. So, wounds of the past are still gashing wide and spurting blood of pain, but you don't have to sprinkle salts on it to pierce it wih more pain. Because at the end of the day, I am just that vulnerable and trying to buid up my strength, I am not wonder woman and take in insults without any feeling. Being vulnerable does not make it any more okay for you to intimidate and step on me... 0 comments Thursday, December 4 ( Last Post... @ 00:12:00 ) Sighzzz,time to go back.=( I will miss the life here, I mean my roomies and housemates and batch mates and friends I have met here. After this, we some of us will probably never meet again, setting off on different paths. I will definitely miss the church friends here too and also kiss my beloved freedom goodbye.No more outing till midnight nor going out to malls and trips to Penang. Because I don't even really have that much friends back home, so freedom will also meant nothing to me. But I will miss not having to do house chores, or not being yelled at for things and of course miss how I can sleep anytime I want, for however long period of time without mom digging me out of my bed everyday. But I will love seeing my parents and sister everyday! *grins* But wait, I have quite forgotten that things are quite depressing at home, so there goes, pop the bubbles, oh yeah! Getting a job? I do not know if I will be disciplined enough to wake up everyday on time for my job, if I get one. Well,though there are much more that I want to talk about, I simply must stop here and get on to sorting out my 3 terms worth of notes and start being a geekor a nerd,which ever you prefer.. will be meeting mom and dad down in KL on next Friday. Can't wait!^^ Meanwhile, an early Christmas and New Year greetings to all of you out there!^^take care..=) Bye Bye, -Xiao Ni- 0 comments Monday, December 1 ( Me, Myself and I... @ 20:35:00 ) Finally, after the few months of roller coaster rides and tremendous hurts and joy, I think I am closer to finding out who I really am. The question and the fear is, would you all accept me for who I really am? And is being who I really am, sitting alone in a corner, deep thinking of something okay to you guys, instead of mixing around, being all pretendously cheerful and sociable, going to change the friendships between us? If it's okay, I will know who really are my friends, if not, well, I can only say "sorry" for not being able to uncover my true self in the beginning and being horrendously stupid... Coming to light, -Xiao Ni- 0 comments ( Christmas Isn't Christmas @ 19:06:00 ) Christmas, supposedly marking and remembering the birth of beloved Jesus Christ had been forgotten or misunderstood by many. Me? Currently doing another backsliding dance of myself and setting out on a journey to find my real identity and to seek that strong bond I felt I once had established with God. Only then would I celebrate Christmas with joy and peace. Watching the raindrops outside my window, pouring down from the grey sky and the Christmas music from my laptop had had me imagining and getting comfortable, too comfortable I fell into an almost-deep-slumber which I hurriedly scurried out of. Because there is a blardy Bio mock exam for the essay section tomorrow and of course the structures on wednesday. Sometime I feel so stress thinking that finals is only 3 weeks away that I almost could just bite my fingers of. Geez, the tendency of hurting myself are high. I am going mad. What with the hypocritical side of me telling others to not worry and do their best, when I myself is now send sitting on the edge of my lousy chair by extreme fear and terror.. Sigh.. Christmas this year will be caroling in houses of strangers and also spend in a 4 wall room with barely any floor space to call comfort. There will be no Christmas tree like every year, there will not be sitting in the church in the morning for Christmas Service or me performing Christmas dance with the others. It will be a queer Christmas, different but not necessarily worse. We shall see... Maybe we would be having a nice turkey Christmas dinner with rum pudding. Who knows right? I am sure we would work something out. =) In Christmas mood, -Yuri- 0 comments |
