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Child of God  ~[Lily Soon] ~Belongs to God. ~I don't bite. ~Music is beautiful. Here & There Talk To Me Definition of Love Love is kind It does not envy It does not boast It is not proud It is not rude It is not self-seeking It is not easily angered It keeps no record of wrongs Love does not delight in evil But rejoices with truth It always protects Always trusts Always hope Always perserveres Love never fails) 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 God's Words Pray with Me -Sister's spiritual growth -Auntie Christina Sim's health & healing -Developing countries -Spiritual growth -Knowing what God has in plan for me -Relatives to know about Christ -Gift of Giving -Studies -Health and well-being of family -Discipline and focus in goals -Perserverence in reading the bible daily Bros & Sis<3 Aimst Fellowship Crystal Bian Bian Lily姐 小云姐 Teddy哥哥 Alex^^ Jasper Max Mic Mic Shi Yi Edith Val Yee Loi Larry Joy Kelvin C Kawaii Kevin Evelyn Felicia Jacinta Rome Serenne Lawson Blogs I Read Yuu~Chan Vain Kenny Xiu Wen Fai Fai Stephy Vincent Joey Shaunnie Christine Baby Bear(Li Ann) Papa Bear(Zhang Huai) Amelia^^ Angeline(Dolphin) Clement Yi Cheng Zhi Hui Rachael Kuan Wen Wei Lian Have a Look Cheesie Xia Xue Vivian Su Ann May Zhee Jessica Peggy Yan Wen Dawn Nira Gwendolyn Cai Weii Esther Pei Yeeng Feisty Charmaine Michelle Justice4BengHock YMI Isabella Chukei-Baby Let bygone be bygone. July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 June 2010 July 2010 October 2010 March 2011 |
Friday, November 28 ( Monster In Me. @ 11:54:00 ) I realise that I am getting more and more uncomfortable when mingling with crowds, I felt so odd, akward and out of place if I may say so. I am like a piece of puzzle that do not fit into the whole picture. I feel comfortable being on my own and with the common circle of friends, the norm, if I may say so. I wonder if it's true for everyone else as well. Sometimes, I lay awake on my bed at dawn thinking if all these are just imagination or dream, that I actually do not exist. I know, lame right? I do not know what I want or heading towards. Worse still, I do not know who I am. I am like the daffodils in the field that are not firm but sway in the gentlest breeze. I care too much about what other wants me to be, or what they expected me to be, then being myself. Yeah, it is right to admit that I am a coward. I feel as if I have no identity. Sometimes, I do envy what the people around me are. Sha, the hot, cool and adventurous one, Evelyn, the daring, cheerful and fun one, Yuu~ the one who dares to pursue what she likes and not afraid to admit that, nor does she care two bits if she hurts you-in a good way that she is not hypocrite-i like that, and how sometimes she is just so caring and be herself, yea, thats the word, being herself, my baby sister, the wilder one and dares to be different and so much more. HOw about me? I don't know what am I. I am just weak weak weak. Like a chameleon following my surrounding, doesn't have an attitude of my own. Don't get me wrong, I am happy with all the friends I have now, but I feel I can do better. I feel that I am being a lousy friend and no matter what I do, I will never be that special friend but just a friend. But that is quite enough, compare to the yesteryears where I was nothing, a speck of dust. Maybe it's just me thinking too much, being paranoid as always. Yeah, maybe. There are so much things in my mind that I want to write down but there seems to be no words for me to pen them down at times. Even if I do, no one can really understand them because they never really took the time to uncover what are really behinds those writings. I am such a lousy writer. I want to be like plants. When the rain comes pelting down from Heaven, they would not budge but take in the rain, blooming more beautiful flowers. I want to be strong like them, when troubles come brewing, I don't want to run away and hide under the shed, I want to stand there and be brave and be productive as well. I am still in search of who I am, trying to harden and soften my heart at the same time, trying to be the real me, trying not to be someone I am not, and searching for my real identity, the real me. Right now, I am feeling surreal as the question of my existence hung in the air. The ceiling fan above is still spinning, just as the clock is ticking. Time is running out, but of what? What am I counting down to, is it exam? graduation? the day my soul parts from my body in flesh? I am confused and lost. I need help, or maybe just a listening ear, but I do not know who to confide in. Sometimes, it is just better to keep it in, until one day they would all bursts out and I hope it would be me, the ocean and loneliness. I do not want to explode in front of others. I got to be strong. I am feeling a lot like the feeling that I can't explain. A mixture of emptiness, lost, confused with perhaps a tinge of agony. I just want to be happy and smile from my heart. Right now, there is a heavy rain in my heart.. 0 comments |
