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Child of God  ~[Lily Soon] ~Belongs to God. ~I don't bite. ~Music is beautiful. Here & There Talk To Me Definition of Love Love is kind It does not envy It does not boast It is not proud It is not rude It is not self-seeking It is not easily angered It keeps no record of wrongs Love does not delight in evil But rejoices with truth It always protects Always trusts Always hope Always perserveres Love never fails) 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 God's Words Pray with Me -Sister's spiritual growth -Auntie Christina Sim's health & healing -Developing countries -Spiritual growth -Knowing what God has in plan for me -Relatives to know about Christ -Gift of Giving -Studies -Health and well-being of family -Discipline and focus in goals -Perserverence in reading the bible daily Bros & Sis<3 Aimst Fellowship Crystal Bian Bian Lily姐 小云姐 Teddy哥哥 Alex^^ Jasper Max Mic Mic Shi Yi Edith Val Yee Loi Larry Joy Kelvin C Kawaii Kevin Evelyn Felicia Jacinta Rome Serenne Lawson Blogs I Read Yuu~Chan Vain Kenny Xiu Wen Fai Fai Stephy Vincent Joey Shaunnie Christine Baby Bear(Li Ann) Papa Bear(Zhang Huai) Amelia^^ Angeline(Dolphin) Clement Yi Cheng Zhi Hui Rachael Kuan Wen Wei Lian Have a Look Cheesie Xia Xue Vivian Su Ann May Zhee Jessica Peggy Yan Wen Dawn Nira Gwendolyn Cai Weii Esther Pei Yeeng Feisty Charmaine Michelle Justice4BengHock YMI Isabella Chukei-Baby Let bygone be bygone. July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 June 2010 July 2010 October 2010 March 2011 |
Friday, October 10 ( A Mess~ @ 23:40:00 ) *supposedly posted post* Title : That Girl~ She was always that ignorant and ungrateful girl that she is, never appreciating what she has in front of her, always wishing and hoping for more. Demanding and hoping to receive but so unwilling to give in. Maybe, just maybe at some point of her life, she was contented with what she have and realise that she was the luckiest girl on Earth, but unfortunately, it always lasted for a mere milliseconds and she would climb back into fantasy land again, living in a world of her own, billions of light years away from reality. Sometimes, it does seems like a wonder how she managed to survive with her oblivious and innocent nature, at how much she knows about how the real world is, the world that have less humanity than she ever could imagined. All she knew was a mere made-up fairy tales that plaque her mind from the countless non-fictional stories that she had read since she was a little girl. Protected, living in a tough shell, shielded from all harms and dangers, the ugliness that lurks at every corner, she was utterly shocked to find out about this place that people call real life. Lucky for her, she was tough from all the falls she had in the past 18 years. Albeit some wounds never healed completely, while others are still gashed open with blood gushing or some leaving visible scars that commemorate the pain and hurts she endure. All, of which she kept very well from the prying eyes of busy bodies threathening to interfere and find out about her deepest, darkest secrets locked deep inside, buried under numerous feet of pretence. Some nights, she could not sleep, she heard voices in the distance. It was her conscience. Surprisingly, she had not been completely brainwashed by all the romance dramas, all the endlessly sweet situations witnessed on TV, more of lies actually. She blamed them partly for whatever relationships that had failed in the past, due to these unrealistic imaginations on how a relationship should be. She got tired of the clingy guy and she felt hurt by the nonchalant-ness of another. At times, she would woke up in the middle of the night, to found out she had wet her pillow with litres of tears that flow from her heart and in her subconsciousness, she had had a nightmare, not those of horrors or ghosts or phantoms chasing at her in a maze or towards a dead-end tunnel with no escape. But of being abandon, forced marriage or even pregnancy during teenagehood. Sometimes, she dreamt of her beloved family members going back to heaven, be it by the merciless diseases of present time, of nature’s clock or even freak accidents-tragic, yes. Her life seems pathetic. She worries too much, thinking about her family as if they were her children, thinking about things that have nothing to do with her. She rather hurt herself than hurt others, making ways in her own inconveniences for the convenience of others, eager to make people happy and desperate for some care and love. She never think enough in events where she knew she will regret later on when she lay down on her bed, staring on the ceiling fan at night, reflecting the day’s events. She know about her childishness but it seems that she can’t put an end to it. Sometimes, she changed so fast, she can barely understand herself. She had no real talents, more like stuck in the middle between know and don’t know. She had very low self-esteem to the dismay of those who care for her, the one that she love and love her back. She have weird perceptions and find out the hard ways that things are not always what she sees, or hears or even thought they may be. Talentless and without any clear directions in life, she is a failure, a loser and a weeper. How pathetic. Experienced-Yes, in the sense of suicide attempts and insignificant matters that are both useless and dull. She is a dull girl, her world consist only of black and white. She waited for someone to come in and colour up her life with gay colours, bright streaks of lime green, lemon yellow, flamingo pink or even forget-me-not blues, anything just for a little excitement in life. She is 18 of age but she looked and have the mentality of woman of the age 40 or even older , worser still with 4 kids. She have very unrealistic thinkings and drove people up the wall trying to correct her imperfections, making things worse. There is no end to this misery and hopelessness. She can only walk along the road aimlessly, barely seeing a hundred metres in front of her. She fall as she trip on stones and potholes along the way. But there is one thing that she have, perserverance and determination. No, who is she kidding, as her attention span, her determination are pretty much short-life. She is good only as a couch potato and as a material to criticise, nothing more, nothing less. Sometimes, she should just put a stake in her heart and end all these. Her existence only contribute to the depletion of oxygen level in the atmosphere, adding more carbon dioxide. Will she survive another 20 years down the road? Or will she just drop dead after another few more kilometres? We’ll see… We’ll see… Until she learn to be appreciative of the things she have, appreciate the silence of her beloved, just enjoying the warmth of the hug that second and not let her mind drifted into the future, not planning too much ahead and take the right road among the two roads when time come for her to choose the route at the junction. Only then, maybe will she start to really enjoy life and see the beauty of it. At present, she need to know how to let go of the past, hold on to the present and catch the future. She need to unlearn selfishness and relearn them the right way, slow down and breath. She need to accept that some things are meant to be and can’t be undo, that she can’t just delete her memory and pretend nothing had happen, but let nature and time fade the memories. She just need to see what she have and stop comparing. She need to stop growing up so fast. She need to learn how to stand on her own 2 feet and how to protect herself. She need to accept her own weakness and set her priorities straight. She need not only to see but look as well. She need to accept the fact that it is she herself who is causing grievious hurt to herself, not others because she choose to be vulnerable and weak. She must learn how to not hope for too much, or better, not to hope at all, having no expectations then there will be none to live up to. That idiot that never learn and not know what is bliss even when it is smack straight at her face, is me, choosing to make life difficult when it can be simpler that amoeba… I can feel myself faltering and slipping..Living in denial is my talent and make belief that my life is empty when it is filled to the brim is what I do best… Andrew said, if I was a guy, I am a gay…. 0 comments |
