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Child of God  ~[Lily Soon] ~Belongs to God. ~I don't bite. ~Music is beautiful. Here & There Talk To Me Definition of Love Love is kind It does not envy It does not boast It is not proud It is not rude It is not self-seeking It is not easily angered It keeps no record of wrongs Love does not delight in evil But rejoices with truth It always protects Always trusts Always hope Always perserveres Love never fails) 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 God's Words “For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.” -2 Corinthians 5:14-15
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Saturday, April 26 ( 考试咯！ @ 23:20:00 ) 考试也只剩下两个星期噢。时间真的过得很快。不及不觉离开家也要三个月了。不在家的那段时间，发生了很多事。很多事都改变了。有些事然我很后悔，因为弹出，有机会的时候，却没好好去珍惜。就这样戳过了。不想再让自己后悔，就俄跟自己说要好好的对待身边的人。 考试方面，只好尽力，做到最好。不希望然自己和爸妈失望。会努力的念书，祷告，依靠上帝来得好成绩，我想性父会赐给我足够的智来度过这一次的考试，就像我每一次考试一样。希望能够成功噢！爸爸，妈咪，我不会让你们失望的！女儿会加油！做个有涌的人！上帝，我想用我的成绩来荣耀你！！！ XOXO， -小妮- 0 comments ( Feeling better... @ 11:06:00 ) Past mood : Heavy, stress, definite depression Future mood : Uncertain, hoping for more happiness Reasons : Brother Loo called unexpectedly when I was down, Called Sis Callie on the phone for more than half an hour talking about my problems makes me feel better!, Sis Catherine is conscious and now eating like normal^^ *guess prayers really do make a difference* Know what? In this period of downs in the dumps, God actually show his presence through unexpected care and calls from people that care about me and send them to help me up when I fall. I got motivated and maybe a tad bit less clueless about what to do now. Regarding on what paths to take now, everything is in God's hand. I realise, maybe being me-me is not so bad... I mean, I can't act like another person whom i admired for their qualities. because it's not me. I can make them as my guide and example I guess. I am through with emo-ing, anti-socialising and showing my emotions on my face. It's back to the old cheerful me I guess. I am sick of being down and I guess the people around will feel like bashing me up too when I show them my "beh song" face. Well, thanks for the uplift and it's time to move on.. Tralalallala.. You know what? REading Crys baby bloggie had make me happy and really happy today. Make suddenly realise how a little innocence and fun can go a long way...^^ I miss my sec school days^^ I miss being young and being able to dress up like a real teen. Man, coming to uni cut short my teenagehood. Gah... After exam I promise, I will go shopping during the second term. Watch out, here I come!!!^^ XOXO, -Xiao Ni- 0 comments Friday, April 25 ( It doesn't matter anymore... @ 01:54:00 ) 0 comments Saturday, April 19 ( Something random... @ 22:13:00 )  In all these years facing the teenage years-supposedly the best years in life, I found myself, who I really am deep inside. In this journey of changing and evoluting into something else, I become more confident in myself. And from an ugly duckling, I work hard to become who I am today-not a swan, just me. I feel that most of the time, how people are tease about how they look. Such remarks will hurt a person's feeling badly-especially girls. I had been there before, where I got tease for how I look. How I look up to those beautiful girls and wish to be like them. But, until I am willing to change myself, it will be impossible. Even though I may not have the perfect long legs like Ling Zhi Ling or a body like that of beautiful models and Jolin Tsai, but I am proud of who I am, the person I had groom out of a mess I used to be. I can stand tall and tell the world, I look good becuase I feel good. And girls, don't believe it when others say that you are not pretty and stuff like that. Take it as motivation to improve yourself, not for others, but for yourself. If you feel fine as you are, be yourself and be comfortable with it. And you are all creation of God, and God created us all to be beautiful-in our own way. Maybe we can't run around the beach in bikini because of that stomach or even wear sleeveless because of flabby arms. So what? Just pick what we look nice in, take care of our personal hygience, our skin and hair. We don't need make-up if we don't want to ( I am now totally free of make-up). Be proud of who we are and remember, beauty is confidence....^^Lotsa love, XOXO, -Xiao Ni-  I may not be perfect-never will be- but I am still me and that is what counts... *my skin now is really quite okay-clear-thanks to mommy forcing me to take care of my skin..Hee^^ and thanks to Gwen who inspire me to accept the no make-up policy... You should try it girl!^^ 0 comments Tuesday, April 15 ( Dazed, Shocked, Happy, Hyperactive @ 02:14:00 ) ************************************************************************************** Not exactly... I haven't tell you half of the story even. You see, Ah Loi gor gor came up to me earlier, saying that he had some problems, as usual.. Me, being me, believe him and agreed to talk after I was finish with my chemistry revision. Yeap, everyone's anti-social-ing and studying like nuts for upcoming exam. And, so, we did meet up after Michelle darling called me to wish me happy birthday (so sweet). We were talking and gor gor gave me my birthday present...It's really nice and quaint..=p.. But, my earliest pressie was from Audrey darling.. Teeheehee..Like on Sunday! Haha... She bought me heels and a fur clutch bag! Gorgeous and my first pressie for 18th birthday and first real pressie from friends in my life. Yeap, you heard right. And Alan gor gor was so random, he gave me my pressie on Sunday too, when we meet up after the morning at CS and ate at Le Boss. Just suddenly, before reaching the campus, ask me change CD, so I was like okay. And I open the compartment, saw a pink jewellery box inside and was like, curious. Thinking it was his sisters', so, just got out the CD and pass to gor gor. And gor suddenly just ask me to take the pink box, saying it is my birthday present. It was so sudden and I guess, mechanically, I got it out and open it-dazed and inside was a beautiful purple crystal bracelet.. Hee~ So typical me.. It was sweet I admit..teeheehee...=p..BAck to just now, so, I was talking to Ah Loi gor gor on the bench and suddenly, so random and SUDDEN, came out 3 girls out of nowhere, singing birthday song. Know what? Sha baby was holding a cake with candles!, Audrey and Ruqi dearie weare holding balloons! Imagine, balloons? And we stay so far from town, no car!!! Was I shock. So, still shocked, they got me to make a wish, blow the candles after I was finish gffasping and screaming for a few minutes. Then, they went and got out more stuff from under the bench nearby. They actually brought cocktails drink and snacks!!! Owh man, *salute* Superwomen! So, we sat there just crapping and having fun, me, still thinking I was dreaming.Gor was sweet, he was having fever, but still pei me celebrate birthday..Awwww...Teeheehee... I am the happiest girl on Earth..*glee* Never thought my 18th birthday will turn out this way!!! Hee Hee HEee... Sha baby took lotsa photos and I bet I look like babboon in them, grinning so widely and being craZy..HEee somemore... We were done at around 1am and decided to call it a night cos later, hehehehe, almost whole day BIO class..sighzzz... but, nothing can beat this...awesomeness!!!! And when I came back to hostel, there were card and more pressies on the table!! Enough excitement for one night I thought. Shilah darling, Jo dar dar and Guna gave me those nice fur and ribbon pens which were owh-so-sweet and with a beautiful card with sweet messages in them. And Audrey produced a card from Sha Sha, Ruqi and herself...HEEEEEEEEE... I am so shock and happy now-still. Even Cindy, Serene, Shu Ming, Evelyn and Dolphin gave me a surprise. I am still wondering where they got the egg?! It was a creative gift- first ever-with wordings, wishes and egg..Teeheeheee..Thanks darlings...Then, Alan gor gor call me just half an hour ago, 2 hours after midnight-the pig...HEhehehheheheehe.... I had the best ever birthday!!!! I bet this is a great beginning for my new life here... Lily's now contented, just happy and loved... Words can't help me express my feeling now.. It's not about the presents, or cakes, it's about the most wondeful friends I have here... Now, it's back to Physics, hot shower and then probably some sleep...Hmmm... I am still happy-and loved....Sighzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz............... To my darlings....I love you all.. I miss Lemon a lot!!! 0 comments Saturday, April 12 ( It's Saturday morning! A brand new day @ 11:42:00 ) I was planning to have a great time outing after work this afternoon! Stupid gor gor spoilt it..=( He opt to hang out with his buddies instead of me.. Sighzz... *looks sideways-more like glaring* Yesh, be afraid, be very afraid... There goes my afternoon plans of dressing up, chomping down on junk food, more ice-cream and crazy grocery shopping. Spoil mood only.. Nyeh... It is not always that I have one of these moments of craving for junkies you know? *pouts* I had been craving on and off for McFlurry since Wednesday whattheheck? I think I am going to hate McFlurry soon and you too, gor gor...Hmmph.. I am still angry at you!! Bleark..=p..Okay, maybe not.. Now what? Digi just send my birthday message over. Yeah baby! More bonus credit when topping up on my birthday. I love DIGI... Maybe, being 18 is not so bad after all.... Tee hee hee.. But then again, this is among the reason I actually look forward to my birthday-pathetic. What's the use of having credit when you have no one to call and no sms partner-and just pure not interested in sms-ing? Come to think of it, I want to remember my 18th birthday. It is sort of special, come to think of it. I just want it to be - SPECIAL...Now, I can do a lot of things like crashing parties at the clubs, clubbing-without the fear of getting caught-unless I try dope-Nah.just kidding.. Got to go peeps...^^ Check in later.. Now, back to shelving non-existent books, thawing myself in the sunlight(currently frozen), getting back to reality that Maths assignment is calling my name-due on Monday! Darn hard wei...and my ppor tummy growling. I am starving and it's all your fault, Gor.. Okay, feel guilty? Go jump off your room! Hee~ Or maybe not, then maybe I can ,lose weight-perhaps... 0 comments ( My last weekend... @ 02:09:00 ) I had never really celebrated my birthday so I don't see why this year it should be of any difference. Come on, birthday practically scream, I had been 18 years suffering on earth, being a miserable, useless git, and also marked the period of time since my time had a hell of a time pushing me out of her stomach and had me making her life more miserable and stressful, not to mention, cause her to lose her once petite figure and beautiful skin. Man, am I a curse or what? My 18 years on Earth had been nothing short of "stunning"-yeah, stunningly miserable and horrible except for some special occasion. People said, "nv da shi ba bian" and "shi ba gu niang yi duo hua". RIGHT... I haven't change that much since birth, just a lot humoungous and a lot less cuter. And I am not a flower yet! I am far from beautiful, I am still fat. Sighz.. Most digressing of all, I had done nothing significant in my 18 years of life it seems. Nothing my parents would be proud of, nothing I myself feel happy of. Call me hard to please, but that is true. Life's like that I guess. To end this post, I am thinking, how my life would be 18 years later? It seem an eternity from now, but, believe me, it will be in a blink of an eye. Sigh... I vote that I would still be a miserable single 36-year-old with 14 cats and an empty house to go back to... Yeap, sounds awesome... *sighs* XOXO, Me 0 comments Tuesday, April 8 ( A Post at 3am in the morning... @ 03:05:00 ) XOXO, -Xiao Ni- 0 comments Monday, April 7 ( Millions of things starting with I... @ 16:13:00 ) -need surgery/therapy/ugly-equipment for my jaw -hate the inability to open my mouth for more than a few centimetres to eat or talk -hate the pain of my dislocated jaw -hate playing hide and seek when the seeker is not seeking -hate people running away from me -hate people ignoring me -loathe being exhausted to the point of feeling I am going to stop breathing -think depression and anti-social is good for studies -am going mental -dislike my stupidity of letting others use me -hate the feeling of myself raidating coldness out of my body to the point I am freezing -miss being hug and embrace -warmth of a caring hand cradling mine want someone who actually care -need a break -am sick of the hectic schedule where I feel that I do not have a life anymore -hate being a fatass-fine, not only my ass are fat, my whole body is freaking fat -hate myself for the pressure I am giving myself -need lots of chocolate and candies -have no appetite to eat anymore -miss my bed -don't want to grow older -don't want to be freaking 18 yet -am sick of the hot and cold treatment-I am not a cold/hot water dispenser-thankyouverymuch -hate the burden I bring to myself -lack disciplince -feel so tired I don't feel like doing anything at all except maybe die -am clueless about how sis Catherine is doing after the surgery -want to trave back in time -don't like to be treated like crap/trash/a piece of junk -hate my sense of responsibility-which is more than I can bear -hate how I am mentally torturing myself -hate caring so much about those non-deserving -am tired of being a goodie-two-shoe -don't want to be thrown into a disgusting pool for my birthday -want to sleep on my birthday -hate being distracetd -hate the fact I can't say no to anything -being unable to cry when I want to -hate people judging others by looks -hate two-faced people -hate Jaya Catering for violating animals' rights-I mean what's with the "do not feed the dogs and cats on campus"? Do you want us to stand by and watch them die of starvation. The scrap are going to end up in the dumpster rotting anyway! Geez... I will feel guilty if I know I contribute to their death. -hate the main chef just because he scares the wits out of me -am tense cos I haven't done my script yet -hate being left out in anything -being left clueless about everything -hate people doing things behind me -just bash up some kid in MSN cos I am in a lousy mood now -lost my favourite ring -feel so fattttttt now -need to get to the crappy library in half an hour times to face those endless books again -have stupid uncompleted Chem assignment due tomorrow -have super lots of stupid Maths 1 homework waiting in my bag -am upset -want to crawl into a hole in Earth -need super big bear hugs now -need Mr. Right-whoever that might be -don't feel human now -need support, tender love and care-like plants do..Remember to water me and put me out in the sun,..rain also -miss walking in the rain -miss playing basketball -miss swimming -want to empty my mind -need sleep now -am deprieve of sufficient sleep -can barely move now -want to be so sick I won't be able to go to class -want someone to fuss over me -am going to be more okay later -am an idiot -am not okay when I say I am okay -don't understand guys and why they are so insensitive -don't like people to leave me alone when I am not okay -have the urge to bite poeple now -want to change -am just a girl, albeit the moneky-ish behaviour -am turning back into the old, quiet, reserved me... -am just not okay........ XOXO, unokay-me... 2 comments Saturday, April 5 ( Jesus I love you... @ 19:58:00 )  These days, I feel God is a million miles away. So far from me. Then again, in reality, He never left my side, it's just me, relying on FEELING again... This evening, it strikes me suddenly that my life is such a mess up that it is a real shame to even talk about it now. But I have to pour this somewhere. I prayed hard and long just now-with bucket of tears coursing down my cheeks. My life is out of control-I realise it this evening. I am slacking in my studies, God seems so far away, I am backsliding spiritually, missing my devotions everyday, waking up late, attending class late, going to work late, lying, gossiping, thinking revealing-clothes are okay, watching too much movies, spending too much time doing nothing or simply doing nonsense, mountains of homeworks laid untouch, exam is next month, I am slacking in taking care of my weight, eating like crazy everyday, being rude to lecturers, did not prepare for public speaking, going out too often, neglecting my studies, getting tired of studies, being too over the clouds, taking lightly of everything, lost the care and love I had for others, becoming cold, everything... I need to step back, take a breath and sleep early. Did I mention my skin is deterioating again? I am slacking in every aspect. Things are going to change now. It's time to wake up and be a decent girl that you are, Lily... It's time... My 18th birthday is just weeks away. I don't want to remember my 18th year on Earth as a failure, a nothing and I don't want to remain nothing. For once, I want to be something, work hard for it and be something good. Something that God would be proud off, something my parents would be proud off, like studying hard and hang out with the right people doing good things. I am tired of being a worldly person, tired of who I used to be. I want to be, someone I know I can be better, like someone God crerated me to be, not this crap of a junk person now. Thanks for your love Father, thanks for the support and advice, Michelle darling and thank you my 2 gor gors, for letting me know I can't depend on worldly people. It's time I depend on God fully and stand on my own feet. I hate how he is being treated like crap but is so blind to see and I am sick of the other one gambling away when exam is next week. i am sick of everything. I am sick of myself-disgusted actually. I am starting anew from this very moment. Tomorrow will be a brand new day. I will changed for good, this time, I mean it... XOXO, ~Lily~ 0 comments |
