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Child of God  ~[Lily Soon] ~Belongs to God. ~I don't bite. ~Music is beautiful. Here & There Talk To Me Definition of Love Love is kind It does not envy It does not boast It is not proud It is not rude It is not self-seeking It is not easily angered It keeps no record of wrongs Love does not delight in evil But rejoices with truth It always protects Always trusts Always hope Always perserveres Love never fails) 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 God's Words “For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.” -2 Corinthians 5:14-15
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Wednesday, October 31 ( Still Here~ @ 23:18:00 ) I hate exams! Otherwise I am fine. Sorry for the "drunken" update though. I am totally fine, so don't freak out!^^ That's all. My blog is getting worst... Depression? More like angle of autumen eh? PArdon. My bluetooth programme is gone in the reformating. So need to install first before I can upload new photos... Tata~ 12 days to Doomsday... 26 days to graduation... 89 days to New life in Uni... 5 minutes to facing same page of history again.... SIGHZZZZ 0 comments Sunday, October 28 ( Awful Truth + Updates @ 22:52:00 ) I am uber heart broken I wan to cry. So sad that i resort to counting grape seeds sitting on the bottom of the empty-of-grape mug that was just full minutes ago. I don't want to let go. No, I rephrase this, I can't let go. I am going bananas! Sorry for the spoiler. I want that cheerful me again! It's time to run away from reality again and pretend to forget about things. At least it makes me feel better. But the memories never seem to fade, and the feelings, that nausea feeling, fluttery feeling just kept growing inside till I am ready to burst! Every touch, every wift of that cologne, every sight, every thought, every song, everything makes me think of that-that. I am going mad. Someone give me amnesia or a brain. i need a brain transplant. Urgent! End of update** Original Post : It's one of those subconscious thing that I rant and describe for many times in my previous posts, much more thought put into it in real life, than in blog. But I never really seem to have the message sink right in, as if, trying to avoid the reality unintentionally. but all along, it was somewhere tuck in the folds in my brain. Whilst in the cold shower this evening, suddenly it hit me hard at the back of my head. The thoughts and it just put things into places. So many puzzling problems and questions I had wonder about but never really bother to rack up the answer. The awful truth hit me hard. I am no more a little girl. I am almost an adult now. No more special treatment for kiddy, no more nice smile from aunties that are strangers that you see in the market. In it's place lies responsibility, wisdom, burden and challenges. My childish attitude make me doubt if I could survive my last few years on the teen hood, before I move into the world of Adults. I wish I can outgrow my childishness. deep inside, my mind is mature, but my behaviour and the way I express myself, does not protray the things going on in my mind. SPM coming up in exactly two weeks from now. I dread the time I would have to walk into the exam hall and sit on my place with the paper in front of me. How would I feel? Nervous? Scared? Relief? I am graduating from secndary school in a few weeks time. Then it is off to find my own path for my own future. No more exact directions set by school or anything like before. It scares me. You see, sometime i fear venturing out of my comfort zone, that is one that have instructions-clear ones. And in 2-3 more years, I am hitting the number 2-0...I am getting old. And i dread it.. Now I don't want to grow up at all.. Gor gor is almost nuts from studying for his finals. Zhu zhu is kind of depressed? Unmotivated perhaps? I don't know. The people around me seems kind of down right now. I wish i can do something but it seems I can't do much to help. I can just pray silently and wait for God's intervension. it's the beginning of an unending campaign at EMC. It's prayer month, An Adventure With God. I had committed myself to daily devotion in these upcoming 4 weeks, parying daily, and read the prayer bulletin weekly. I borrowed a book too. I hope I can finish reading it before I have to return the book. So, that's all I guess. Got to return to Physics. I am so blur about Physics.... Labels: Emotions and Memories 0 comments ( I have learnt my Lesson, The hard way! @ 00:23:00 ) Owh well, about the stuff I learn: 1. I learn that my too trusty nature of other people just let me down and dissapointment always come soon after when i got to know of the people over a longer period of time. And I am just putting myself up to be used easily and having others step on my head. That's the end of it i hope. I hope I can be more aware and not have such good imaginary impression on others. 2. Call me a coward or runner, But I rather not know a person too well unless there is the need. I just can't bear to have dissapointment after dissapoinment of their pretendious self. Everyone have their flaws but then again sometime it is just too ridiculous! 3. Sometime, my reserve ways in thinking and only thinking about things in one perspective is BAD for me. I can't do many things and think I can do better but in reality, i am doing worse than anybody. 4. Too confident and too trusty that I waste time and dwadle. cheating myself.=.=" 5. No matter how busy or how tired you are, never never Ever threw aside the importance of appearance. Even when tired, be sure to look neat and presentable. Skip the make-up but still look charming in simple attire. Who knows you will meet that evil ex with that new gf of his one day in the supermarket. It is your bad day, imagine, dressing in old short pants, hair strewning all over and with t-shirt meant for bed.. Unless if you dress nice he will probably slap himself for giving up you. *I am evil now*...I need to stop..arghh!! My mind is just Evil evil evil and dark now!I need light wei..Spot light! 6. And When Someone is in my mind it is impossible for me to get them out. I will keep thinking of them and everything I see, do, smell, think or any action you can think off will just remind me of that person. Bah!! How I wish life is like a computer. I can always throw unwanted data into the recycle bin or reformat the computer to start all over. Better still, i can just copy paste and Transfer things into my mind. hehehe..all those subjects notes... life will be much easier. *I am really nuts* 7. And I am too rushy in things. Anything i want, I must get it IMMEDIATELY. It is not a good thing. If i don't I will keep on thinking about it until I almost goes mad. 8. I learn that i need to pray more. 9. I learn I need to study more. 10. I learn i need to eat less...Hehehehe.. 11. Finally, I learn i need to stop sounding so dead, depress, dark and evil in my post before everyone freaks out and think that I am finally qualify for the entry to USM ( university Seven Miles in Kuching)..=.="..This will be the last ever of this type of blog for anytime soon. Forever I hope. Gonna be the bubbly cheerful me real soon! To start off : My computer had been reformat. It is kind of laggy but I am real happy because sis hubby did it for free! Yeah, and it is better than last time. Somemore, I bought new shoes today, new earrings and mascara yesterday. I am so blessed. And my bed sheet is super comfy and softie. The weather is too hot and humid for my liking, but then again, the activities I had planned after SPM covered up for than 10 bezillion times (i know there is no such word..=.=) Going to eat EAT EAT EAT and shrink shrink shrink my size, sleep sleep sleep, watch tv, shopping-hopefully, working! Hahahahhahahah..So happy can die and live again. Then I will go to Sebauh for outreach on 7-8 december. staying in longhouse and this time I will be more prepare and better equipped spiritually to reach those people there!^^ Praise the Lord! And most probably will be going to kuching for life game on 13 or 15 for 3 days 2 nights! YIPEE!! After that, dance performance and choir presentation for X'mas! And carolling..God is good, GOD IS GOOD! Perfect timing,. Not to mention those few days stay at Sibu with grandma. I love you much much Grandma!! then, short term mission school in sibu, january. Again reflect the Lord's perfect timing for me. Will most probably end right before the foundation in science course start on 28/1/08? Wohoo,heading to Kedah for my tertiary edu! Can't believe it. hope the institute accept me lor!If not, i will cry ar.. The down side is, wont be home for CNY..probably celebrating alone there.. *sob* cos cos cos cos cos the course start at the time near to CNY. So, miss the chance to meet up with Liang~. What the fish!!! REally no yuan fen, like he say...=(...When i am here, he is down south, When i am finally getting closer to him and on the north of him, he is flying back west M'sia. What the fish what the fish!!!!666!!! *optimistic ni~ optimistic...Breath in, breath out, good girl*.. Okie and finally, I ate ice-cream yesterday! Yippeee...cold, minty and delicious!^^ Hahahahahahahahahaha! I am the luckiest girl I can ever be!^^ God bless me and you! He had perform so many miracles in my life. I hope to be His living testimony. even though i am far from perfect!=)than you for Your Love, Father! I love you too! Mwahh.. Signing off, -Xiao Ni- Labels: Emotions and Memories 0 comments Wednesday, October 24 ( When Freezing occur, Ice will solidify again... @ 12:15:00 ) Lalalalalalalalallalala..Zhu Zhu is so gonna laugh at me when I say this... I ate 5 fruit icicles yesterday and also chocolate and vanilla ice-cream. Taste darn nice! Been a long time since I had such a treat. FElt like rewarding myself for whatever reason. When I tasted the ice in my mouth, I felt so blissful. Call me nuts,that is what I call simple and true bliss. How I wish for another treat. Hehehehehehehe.. 2 comments Tuesday, October 23 ( Those Ice That Melt @ 22:36:00 ) To him(you know who you are)... Why are you still hurting me? Making me feel so confuse. When I already decide to let go, you came back in my life. When I am ready to forget about you, you just give a hint of that glimmer of hope. When I am so certain that there will not be another crossroads, there you are, standing in front of me. Why? Why can't I let go completely? Why do you keep appearing in my life? Chapter after chapter? Those sweet words, those sweet promises that you decided not to keep and you remake them. Didn't you say you want to forget about this? Then Why are you still remembering? Why are you still saying these? I feel so confuse and lost. Tell me the answer..Back here to see me? Dissapoint for the fact we will nto meet? Is it genuine or is that another empty promise that you speak for fun. The silence on the phone before were gone and you had so much to say now. Is it time that drew us near instead of the other way round? How about the Mr Maybe that came along my path? Is it you the one I am looking for? Arghh.. Impossible... You show no hint of feeling the same for me. Arghh..Love is so confusing. No..feelings are confusing. I need to leave all these here and go back to my revision... Don't follow me... Labels: Emotions and Memories, Thoughts and Life 0 comments Wednesday, October 17 ( Ivy's Treasure Trove 1 (Mix n' Mesh) @ 14:29:00 ) White See-Through White See-Through is a plain and versatile top with netting-textile that can be seen on toddler's outfits. So bring the baby out of you and not to mention sexiness with this top. Worn with a short tube top of multi-colour underneath to say S-E-X-Y your way or even with longer tube tops for those night outs with girl pals and party the night away. A great match for mini-skirts or even mini-shorts! Whatever it is, just mix and mesh it your way.^^  Simple yet attractive! Details: Material : White Cotton, Stretchy Size :Free Size (But advisable for those who wear XS, S or M size) Condition : Worn a few times , Good condition Price : RM 15 Lacey Poodle Lacey Poodle is a white sleeveless top that look oh-so-adorable!!! With a cute furry Poodle in the front and lacey back, it is bound to turns head and draw attention. Great for shopping trips or those tea dates with a few girl friends down at Starbucks? Match with anything at all to create a casual yet playful outfit for any occasion!^^ Pssstt.. It's comfy too^^  Front! Awww..Such a cutie!  The unique and girlish lacey back. Hmmm, the babyish ribbon kind of resembles Baby White in my first wardrobe collection doesn't it?^^ Details: Material : cotton, quite stretchy + Lace at the back Size : Free Size (Best for those wearing S or M size clothes) Condition : Brand new, never worn before! Price : RM 25 Pink Glittery Ribbon This pink top from D&D is one of its kind. A must have for those who love knitted top and of course for pink lovers. This top is super cute and great for hot days. Simply matched up with a tube top or a halter underneath and you are ready to go. Or for those more daring ones, just wear it over attractive brassiers or bikini top and you are ready for that night out, partying till dawn. The glittery ribbon at the side draws attention to this simple yet sweet top. Can be match with pants or skirt of your choice. Match this with a short mini and sporty skirt? And worn with dollie high heels or even girlish sneakers and see the result for yourself! Better hurry though^^  Versatile top! Sweet + Sexy factor = Never-outdated Fashion Details: Material : Knitted and non stretchable Size : Free (Can fit those who wear S or M size only due to the non-strecthy fabric) Condition : Worn few times, good condition Original Price : RM 39.90 Selling Price : RM 25 Demure Pink Yet another top for pink lovers and for those who love comfort above anything else. Look stylish, girlish and demure in this pink top. The ribbon in front just add to the little details that perfect this simple top. A bit see-through but for those shy ones, you can top it on a tube or halter for a little more details. For those daring ones, just slip this on top or your lingerie and look oh-so-sexy for this top have a plunging cleavage and as I mention earlier, a little see-through. This top is versatile thus goes with almost anything, jeans, cottons, satin, pants or skirt? You decide yourself.  Babyish + Girlish = Sweet  Unique flower prints.... Details: Material : Cotton, quite stretchy, soft, a little see-through Size : Free (But can fit if usually wear S, M or L because it is stretchable) Condition : Worn only a few times, In good condition Original Price : RM 40.90 Selling Price : RM 28.00 *not inclusive of the tube top worn in the photo* White Lace Mini This white mini is one of those pluffy and girlish type suit for any occasion. The inner layer is of soft satin-like fabric topped with soft yet turgid lace to give it maximum effects. Worn with a girlish top or even with a more formal top (like school-girl-uniform that are IN now), it is highly versatile for shopping trips with a pair of dollie heels? Or even boots to create that playful image. Can be worn with a thousand and one combination. The choices are in your hand. So have a look and decide if you would like to have this brand new mini to be part of your wardrobe!^^  Lady-like feel and yet so cute! Details: Material : Satin-like inner lining with lace fabric for the outer part Size : Free Size (But advisable for those who wear XS, S or M size for it has elastic waist band) Condition : Brand New! Never worn before. Original Price : RM 65.90 Selling Price : RM 57 Conditions: 1)Items bought are not refundable or returnable. 2)Price shown are not inclusive of postage fee. 3)Make payment through Maybank Transaction. 4)Please confirm purchase by leaving a comment and item purchase. 5)Leave your email for contact. 6)Items will only be posted once payment is received. 7)Not responsible for item lost or damage during postage. 8)Confirm by emails within 3 days of purchase, if not, will be canceled. 9)Price in this collection are negotiatable!^^ Happy Shopping! And more items coming up!^^ Labels: Items for Sale 0 comments Tuesday, October 16 ( Short Break + Sanity @ 00:49:00 ) Thanks to myself for staying up so late these few days, I am again down with flu and sore throat. getting worse day by day. Ahhh, crazy sickness coming back again! I hate being sick like a piggie.. It is just so uncomfy..Now my muscle is starting to ache real bad. Surely later ben ben Gor gor will tell me something dumb like viral attack due to flu yadda yadda yadda. It is not fun to have a yet-to-be-doctor gor gor. Who blab all about his knowledge in medic when you told him that you are sick. =.=".. And when you tell a yet-to-be lawyer, *cough* zhu zhu just ask me to take medicine. And when I say my house got many types of medicine, don't know take what, he told me just take the common medicine for flu and fever.=.=".. What the...Fine la.. But till now, I still haven't figure out what medicine to take. >.<..And I guess mom even got use to me having this minor sickness that she don't even realise I am sick ! =p.. Haha..So no one force me to take medicine..=p.. I officially find out I will either be very fat or very thin when i am away for studied next year. =D.. These few days with mom's absence, I only ate one meal per day. I broke my no carb law and had noodles on the first day and porridge on the next. Despite the facts that the day before they went back top Sibu mom went to shop for groceries and stuff for me to cook, I did not cook. I feel so lazy to eat and cook and i don't feel hungry. But I did took a lot of junk food.. Darn..My itchy mouth.. If only there were no junk food at home.. And without mom, everything at home is so disorganised. I just felt weird being alone at home i guess. Don't know what to do and where to start from. Owh well, at least I won't have to piggy alone again tonight..^^ All of them are back and I have extra treasures to add to my treausre boxes. Mom bought me a new bag!!! Yippee, Dad bought me new pair of earring-Darn special and unique, and sis bought me a new pair of hoop earring!-Darn pretty neh, glimmery white!^^ HAHAHAHAHA.. So happy...Lallallallala... I guess I better go and study a bit again.. Sze Sian Gor Gor sure still up studying^^, as usual. His finals coming up this week! Gor Gor jia you! Gambateh!! You can do it de!!^^ And Zhu zhu, he konked out earlier. Must be worn out after the flight back to KL today.Poor thing. Lalllalallalala.. But nononononono..He is a meanie! And zhu zhu you know why! Hmmph!!! Tata~ all^^. I am going to konk out earlier today, to save my skin and my eyes and my brain. Darn, even when i feel energetic but I really can't concentrate. While cooking dinner for tonight, I felt sure I was going to lost a finger or two while chopping up the vegetables.. No matter how hard I try to concentrate it just seems that I can't!!! But still can study quite well. Something is very wrong!!! P.S: I got addicted to 黑糖玛奇朵, 棒棒堂, 黑澀會美眉!!! Arghhh!!! All the girls darn leng!! Haizz..I got so caught up with all the leng luis in the drama and saw their pretty faces. When I go the the bathroom and take a look at the mirror, half expecting to see the leng luis face pop up like in the computer screen, almost forgetting it is a mirror, I really let out a yell when i saw my ugly face in the mirror instead. I almost faint. DARN!!I want to be pretty and cute like 丫頭 la!^^ So envy. She is so pretty and cute neh. Haizz...Both of us same human, same is girl but how can be so different!!! *pulls pwn hair out* *piak self, stop day dreaming!* Zhu zhu, go watch lar..really a nice drama with lotsa eye candies orh! The girls all leng leng! And catch a view of the guys' fashion. Kinda IN now. Maybe can be reference for you when you go out shopping for new clothes!^^..HAHA.. TATA~~丫頭, I wanna be like you!! PPS : Guys, look out! A new collection of wardrobe will be out! Really nice clothes(Tops and dresses) neh!! Hehe, gonna pick some for myself! From my dear cuzzie's wardrobe. She is a real fashionista and so always new additions to her wardrobe. All of the clothes are only worn few times..=.=".. I already have the photos of her modelling all the clothes and I will post them up real soon! Really must-have GRABS!! Stay tune!!^^ 1 comments Wednesday, October 10 ( Future Horror - A Spur of Creativity @ 19:28:00 ) Future Horror - My Nightmare I woke up this morning, With the sunshine boasting itself, Penetrating my plain curtain, Casting a beam of light, On the floor of my dark room. I looked at the clock hung on the wall, 7 a.m in the morning, Dad had just taught me how to read the clock, Just two days ago. I jumped out of bed, Getting all excited, Anticipating a brand new day, Rushing to the bathroom, Banging on the door, Asking Brandon to hurry, So I could washed up, And rushed down the stairs, To give momma a morning kiss, And to have my breakfast, I can smell toast and ham up here. It was a special day, It was a beautiful day-or I so thought, It was show and tell day at the kindergarten, I rubbed my tiny palms in glee, As I thought of my story, That I would tell in class later on, How my classmate will ooh and aah, Over my new toy, A robot that grandpa had bought for me, From the toystore just yesterday evening. I saw momma setting down the scrumptious breakfast, I saw dad reading the papers, Shaking his head as he complaint about something, Must be the stock market, Maybe it was an accident? or a Robbery? I was almost immune to all those news. Every evening at 6pm, We will sit around the television, Watching the news, I was there just to wait for the 6.30 cartoons, But, I did took a glimpse of all the news on TV, There were violence, politics, war and disasters, Momma always sighed in dismay, But I never understand why. As I finished my breakfast with grandpa sitting next to me, And Brandon with earphones jammed in his ears, And his MP3 blasting, Momma with her laundry, And Dad, finishing the last sip of his coffee, I got up and bid everyone goodbye, For one last time. I happily skipped out of the door, Into my waiting schoolbus, Brandon had skipped school again today, Must be his usual 'headache", I could have care less, As I hugged my bag tightly, Feeling the robot, Safely tucked in the there, I could not wait to reach school. I bid Good Morning to Miss Adeline, As I took my usual seat, Right next to Natasha, A naughty and michievous girl, That give all the teachers, Great Headaches. It was time for show and tell, As I had imagined, Everyone crowded around my new toy, I felt so proud and happy, Because It belongs to me. After lunch and nap, It was already 3, It was time to go back home, To tea, And to momma, Who would be watching the talkshow, On the TV. I would take a bath, And wait for dad to come home, So he could bring me to the park, Where I can cycle on my new bike, And maybe-just maybe, Play with my new robot near the sandbox. As the bus pulled up, I gladly step off, Bidding goodbye to all the classmates, And watched the bus slowly diminished, With the loadful of cheers and laughter. I turned towards the frontdoor, Eager to tell momma about my day at school, Tell grandpa, How my classmates love my new toy. But, something seems wrong, The rose bushes that momma planted, Had been stamped on, I could not hear Johnie barking as usual, Everything was so quiet, The neighbours were as usual, not back yet. I approached the frontdoor, To find it ajar, I stealthily took a peek inside, Just to notice great big muddy footprints on the tiles, I opened the door wide, And shouted for momma, But no one answered. So, I bravely take a few steps more, Just a few more, To reach the kitchen, There on the floor, I saw momma, Sprawled on the floor, In a pool of dark blood, And a carving knife stabbed on her chest, Right at her heart, I backed up and gasped in horror, And swallow a wail that were drowned in my throat. I ran away from that scene, Just as any 6-year-old would have done, I ran to my room, Where i would be safe, But NO, I was horrified, To find Brandon, Laying face down, On the parquet floor, With his earphones still in his ears, And the volume blast to the max, Someone had taken him by surprise, For the back his head seemed crushed, I scanned the floor, To find a hammer and a bat, Smothered with blood, Next to him. I was petrified, I expected worse as I backed out of the room, Covering my mouth, Overcoming the wave of nausea, That had washed upon me, My throat felt dried, As I looked into Grandpa's room. I closed my eyes, I dare not see what would be in front of me, I opened my eyes, To my relief, Nobody was there. I rushed to the bathroom, And there was he, On the bathroom floor, It seems that someone, Had sawn off his fingers, With the razor blades, That dad had used to shave every morning. Grandpa was laying there, With his eyes opened, The pupils had rolled to the back of his head it seems, And His mouth gagged open, As I imagined he must had shouted, For that last few moments of his life. But Dad, Dad was not home was he? He was not supposed to be home until 5, What would he say, When he sees this torture chamber? I rushed to the phone downstairs, And punched dad's number on the telephone, I brought the earpiece near to my ears, And the comforting "toot toot" rand at the other end, But Wait. What is that I hear? I heard someone's mobile phone rang, It seems to be coming from outside, Just at the porch, The ringtone seems so familiar, I was sure of it, As sure as the sun rise from the east every morning, It was dad's phone. My heart was thumping so loudly, I was sure any other living soul in the quiet room could hear it, I stepped out of the front door, Silently wishing everything was a nightmare, I dragged my feet reluctantly to the porch, Dad's car was there, Where is Dad? Just then, I saw it, A big man, sitting in dad's car, With a mask on his face, Trying to start the engine. I must have shouted as he turned to look at me. I heart the engine running, And that was when it hit me, hard, When I realised where I was, I was already lying on the lawn, With pain and agony, I saw my backpack just next to me, The car had ran over my body and my bag, I saw one of the robot's arm dropped out of the bag, As I gazed a little more to my left, I saw the car driving away on Street 15, Where I had played all my life, I turned my head right and i saw dad, He was on his back, His legs were bent at a weird angle, His face recorded fear and excrutiating pain, And then i scream again, His severed hand was just next to the axe, I could feel myself passing out, As a result of the car ramming into me, I was losing consioucness, I knew it would be the end soon, A simple but violent robbery, How cruel of the robber, To kill my whole family. I was sure we would make headlines tomorrow morning, But will it be just like any other violent events, The ones that were reported in CNN at 6pm, The ones that I was so immune to, It was just another violent event isn't it? The robbery and murder, That snatches the life of our whole family, In the most gruesome way. Along with my bliss and happiness, And innocence and life as 6-year-old. I sat up in bed, With heavy perspiration on my brow, I shouted for Dad, He came in the door, I was relief to see him, It was all only a nightmare, With dad, Everything will be fine. But it was exceptionally quiet, I could not hear momma in the kitchen, With the usual clanking of pots and pans, Something was not right, And then I saw it, Dad was holding a chopper in his right hand, I looked at him with pleading eyes, Before he brought the blade down, Again and again, I saw blood spurting everywhere, On my plain curtain, And my bed linen, The ones with flowers, That mom bought for me last week. I felt warm blood, I fell down, I saw dad, He chopped off his own hand, And brought down the chopper into his own chest, So, my dream had been quite real, Only that, the murderer, Had been Dad. -just something that popped into my mind, more of a spur of creativity, not impressive but something I would like to record down. It was suppose to be war but as I typed it started to end this way. Oh well, don't squeal at me for it is too squeamish or violent. It is just a writing. Tata~ 0 comments ( 80 Cents Worth of Joy Ride @ 18:27:00 ) Despite the noisy humming that seems so distant in my jumbled-mind, I wonder how could I had hurt someone that I care about and had treated me good. I felt so guilty, I swear I could open up the window next to me and jump off the bus. Yeah, my first experience on the bus alone. The sunshine shone and glimmer through the large windows. The "beep" sound of those red buttons in the bus that you press to stop the bus at times startled me from my dilemma. How I wish there is that little red and square button where I can pressed and I can stop the time there while I alight from reality. How I wished. I need to unwind myself before hurting more of the people around me and hurting myself. It was that same but totally different anticipation for the bus to quickly reached that junction to my house so I can get off and the worries of losing my way become overwhelming. It was panicky just like when I almost got chased by a huge dog while jogging the other day. It was that same feeling waiting for messages from that someone after the squibble and pissing that someone off. What had I done? Does he still think the same way of me? Or had things totally changed? Maybe it is coincidence or maybe it was on purpose that he now ignored me-at least I felt that way. Sighz. What had I done? Will you really forgive me? I hate that feeling, Ihateitihateitihateitihateit! It is as depressing as that break up with him so far apart, where I cant give that last hug or see his face for the last time. It is that feeling that haunt me now, for not being able to say sorry face to face and see his reaction. Maybe it will be better if I never see that side of the face. Just maybe just maybe. Maybe I should follow his advice. Not to be so pushy, but be open minded and befriend before waiting to see the intervention. Just maybe. There is so many maybes. I really should crawl out of that hole of maybes and moved on. I believe, I really do. Now, sitting here all sweaty from the workout, I am blogging. I had not been online so much lately. I lost the interest in chatting and friendster. Except that chatting with those few familiar and close friends. so, maybe my blog will be left here to rot for a month time. I will be back more often after my SPM exam, if I am not too busy working or sleeping in someone's garden n Kuching. *cough cough cough* HAHA.. Owh well. For those anticipating on the update in my blog, say thank you to Kenny la. Because I broke the promise to myself to not online because Kenny seduce me to online with his new blog post! Arghhhh!!KENNY!!!!YEs Kenny! It's you to be blame! You owe me another ban ban tang!!!Grrrr and and don't put on weight on your trip back la. I know the food very nice. I am kind of worry when I see your plan list when you are back home. * cough* six packs *cough* doomed. Remember you want to look good on your prom RIGHT? And and and the six packs right?HAHAHAHAHA.. I am ready to give that "mou ngan tai" look when I see you post after you back to KL. Hahahahaha.. Fine..like this la, I challenge you (ehem, for your own good). I challeng you to lose 2-3 kgs more when you are back in Kuching and work on that abs! Hehe... Kenny, drop down and give me a hundred now!!! Push up + sit ups! 1...2...3...4...5... You continue while I study. When you are done, just tell me ya! *cough* how long *cough* I can *cough* finish *cough* whole chapter *cough* Cell division * cough* by then? *cough cough cough* *I gave up on you-know-what! It brings so much no goods and just make me more depressed instead of the other way round! Bye bye team! Work hard! I am not you-know-what capable! I suckss big time in that! Sorry. Ballet and freestyle can lar. That? Very sorry! I don't want things or relationships to get any worse or to see any more of the bad habits and true self rearing out. Just let me stay blur and blind. Maybe then the world will be more beautiful!* Labels: Emotions and Memories 0 comments Saturday, October 6 ( Eggies! @ 22:27:00 ) The picnic this morning had been fun!!! Saw most of the bubbles this morning^^ Very happy. Went cycling, dancing round the park and running around. So worked up! Haha.. and something very funny happened this morning. Blur blur cheng~ did not know that the picnic was in the morning! I mean OH MY GOODNESS. Got people picnic at night meh? HAHAHA.. So he missed it..=(.. Crazy sis went to KFC after back from the picnic because she got hungry after all the running around!Haha.. *cough cough cough*sis growing* cough* spare* cough cough* tires* cough more* HAHA  Bright sunshine and small eyes...I am not a morning person..*blush* Haha..I love the bars behind me..Didn't climb though..Too much stuff to play with!  Resting at the small hut there while camwhoring before proceeding to chase little Samuel who ran away with the bike I was riding. Darn tiring. The park so big for what!See my knee black black from riding the bike! Haha..sengeh.. Murf just reached Bintulu just now. So the celebration tonight is off. Wait till tomorrow. ^^ really hope to see him again after such a long time.. All of us are excited to see him again^^. After the trip to KFC and feeling guilty over my glass of mango juice in KFC and sneaking off some titbits from sis plate, we went to the CD shope nearby to find "Black Sheep". Sis was crazy about watching that. I watch a bit that day but it is just gross. My goodness. So insane, mutating the genetic of those cutsie, fluffy white sheep to become cannibals. EWWWW..the movie is simply gross. The sheep are chewing off humans' stomach and all the contents. My Goodness!! But we did not find the DVD. And guess what, by the time I return from tuition at 3 something, sis was watching it with her hubby in the living room. Darn, he spoil the bratty sis of mine too much..=.=" Whatever she wants, she will get it fast. sighz. Some people have all the luck. Well, after getting out of the CD shop, guess what did me and my sis saw? HAHA.. EGG machine!! You know, those type of machine where you put coins in them and come out small eggs containing toys in them? HAHA.. LAugh all you want. Sure, look at me like I am retarded. But it's darn cute! I love the toy in it this time. Guess what? I go change some 50 cents coins and start playing. Gosh, the people were looking at us like we were retarded or something, but who cares! They are CUTE!!!! Oh my.. so cute we went back 3 times in less than 10 minutes to get more! HAHA  These are all mine! I don't like the earasers! stupid machine. I just want the cute little stuff at the left and right..  These are all mine! *glee*  Cute or not?  My childish treasure!Me like!  The reason we want to play with this is....Look normal right?  Mommy! It's hatching into a cute little chick!!  TADA!! cute or not cute or not?!! So cute right? ( I so can imagine Kenny giving me this face =.=") So, tonight, my parents got some dinner and mom insist we went to have noodles in the house opposite ours. I refuse because, i never had anything from there. Oily and not nice neh I heard my sis complain. >.<>.<. And I was already very full, so we paid and meet up with sis hubby nearby. I feel like such a light bulb. *rolls eyes* I was emitting thousands of watts. Oh my. So paiseh. Become dian deng pao of my sis and her hubby. Haizz. We head down to Farley. First stop, shoes shop! Hehe. Got sis to try a princess silver shoes. As soon as she slipped in the shoes, she slipped it out again. Sheesh. My sis is so punkish you just imagine she wear princess shoes lar hor.. DArn.Look so good on hr feet. Silly girl. Haizz.. Then we go to the second floor. Spending so much time on the jewelleries department. Big sale! Bought quite a lot of stuff for a very very minimum amount! Hehe.. Although not call shopping but still, feel nice to buy something. And all of the stuff had been what I had wanted to have in my collection but never find the time or the suitable ones to buy until today!So happy. Still remember one thing, I got sis to try in a very very very lady blouse from Nicole brand. HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE.. If you know my sis, you would know she is a punkish type of girl Wild would be the word to describe her my mom said. Oh my. so getting her to try those white princessy, piffy and puffy, lacey clothes will be a big NONO for her. No wonder we are so different. I like lady style, she like Punk style. Gek diok. So, she try this white top with ribbon. Oh My Goodness! So lady and pretty can. I see almost faint. She make some stupid face for me to see and insist she hated it. So gek. If she wear that, darn sure can pass off as an angle. Unless until she begin to show her true style lor. I told her that she look like such and angel and she did some monkey face for me to see before asking me, "Jie, like this still lady meh?" and she did a pick-nose action. Sengeh and hopeless. Haizz.. Give up to make her lady like. so cho lor! After trying some of the clothes, I did bought a top from Voir. Simple but versatile. Even mom agree that it is pretty when I show to her after we got back home. ^^ So happy! My grabs today!:  New top! From voir. I don't have this type yet. The back is the thin strip type^^ The small silver heart prints on it are very cute^^ Sis hubby was hinting my skirt was too skimpy again..=.="Just like to nag, even my mommy don't nag bout my skirt being too short neh!  Silver, glittery bangle from Cindy Jewelleries^^ Sis got a chunkier one. I opt for this smaller one^^ Hehe..  Ordinary glittery rubber band, to tie my hair and match with my hair clips!^^  Even though I already got a mini version of this heart, hair scrunchie, but still cant resist to get this. I love anything that is crystal, heart shape and silver!^^ *hearts* Conclusion: Tiring but happy day!^^ I love shopping!Tata~ Night. I will have to look for more serious things to blog about soon, before people start boycotting this blog.^^ Hehe.. Nightes!~ 0 comments Friday, October 5 ( Nice......... @ 13:51:00 ) I love this style and attitude, da fang... Where learn de? We all should know among ourselves!*winks* So, keep up the good work ya! We are not trying to prove anything!^^Just be ourselves and ignore those copycats, jiak pa bo shu zhor and no creativity plus no original ideas de people. somemore, backstabber.., 2 faced people and hypocrite..walao..so talented..I mean multi-talented..shoot bullets non stop from mouth without having to do so obviously but as obvious as daylight..kua kua kua.. Geng meh copy others? Low class neh copy copy and copy from amateurs..Don't worry over it.. Forever eating dust left behind.. *tsk tsk* so sad~ Labels: Random and Rambling 0 comments Thursday, October 4 ( Hot Day @ 21:08:00 ) 1. I don't want to use photos that don't really look much like me. 2. I don't SEEM to have 4 extra passport sized photos to be submitted. So, I reluctantly went to have a new one taken. To my dismay, I hate taking photos like that, because I am just not photogenic at all. Yeah lar, photos like that take from front. My face so square and Fat okay... *sighz* anyways, the passport photos from last time are also posted here. You do the math. Zzzzz.. When I came back just now, mom told me that there are still some older passport photos ( LOTS of them..GRRRR) in her bedroom. Could have save my money and time and total humiliation!!! BAH!  Practising for photo-taking?  Too much sunlight! phone memory getting less!  Guess where am I?  Still a lot of work to be done..To be an S or M size person...*sighz*  See the black blouse at the side? That is my target Kenny. By next year hopefully in January, I must be able to fit in decently in that blouse.. Don't worry it's quite tiny..I will play fair.  I need phone memory! And brain memory too!  Passport photo taken in primary school, Year 4 I think. (2000)  Masterpiece! Passport photo of year 2002.. My mom's favourite!  Taken today..2007..Hmmph..still not so nice..haizzz.. the only improvement I can see from the real photo is that this time round I can see a tiny bit shoulder bones sticking out..=.=" and maybe less rounder face. That's all. And just now, mom look through all the photos and suggest I used this photo to enter a pageant. I was busy and when I turn to look at the photo she meant, I saw THIS.. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  KUA KUA KUA~ *fainted* And my evil mom went off laughing evilly. How can she be like this?????? HAizzz.. 4 comments |
